The books I’ve read lately have been mildly crappy and not at all famous, so I haven’t bothered reporting on them. However, a little website called www.fmylife.com is fucking hilarious. Not only are the little micro-stories genuinely funny, but their pithiness makes me optimistic about the worth of humanity. Or at least someone still understands the art of editing. Either way, it makes me happy. And my parents aren’t half bad compared to what some poor saps are saddled with.
Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML
Today, I got accepted to Yale University. My parents response: “We never expected you to get into college. We spent all of our savings on sending your brother to school.” FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read “because you can’t find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom.” FML
Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I’m a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML